And God Said... Wait...

Just recently, I've been asking people to pray for me about a certain decision I have to make. I'm still not going to disclose what it is, but let's just say it has something to do with being a good steward to what God has blessed you with.

Money is not a good motivation for me. Give me job I don't like doing, pay me Php100,000 a month to do it, if I don't like it... if it does not motivate me, 4 months tops, I'll quit. The ability to create is my motivation... The chance to do something... artistic or aesthetically pleasing to the senses is my drive. God gave me this drive... and now I'm banking on it!!!

BUT... I was blessed beyond comprehension... no questions asked... I was suddenly made to be a steward of something that doesn't motivate me... Again, let me repeat that... A STEWARD!!! Who made me into this steward? I did. Because it was given to me, no questions asked... and it is, on some level, precious. Instead of being happy, it worried me. I have no idea what to do with it.

To some people (or most in my circle), THIS might be something that is not big of a deal. If they find out what I'm babbling about, they just might scoff at me, snicker, point, and laugh at how I'm blowing this thing out of proportion. But really, for me, this is huge. A huge responsibility. And right now, God is teaching me to be patient.

I had a plan "B" if what I had planned for does not work out. But after talking heart to heart to one good "friend", plan "B", apparently, is not an option. So now... I'm stuck with... understanding something that I really don't care about. And while understanding it, I have to put into mind that there is still this possibility that even though I know the ins and outs of, it still may not be the opportunity that I thought would be good for me in the end.

I guess that's how patience works. You study and learn about a certain craft. You pursue certain things in your life... education... a career... love... but then find out that what you've learned in college isn't going to be much help in the field you are in... the job you're in is actually holding you back... you though it's love... then you find out you thought wrong. Or, what you've thought that was good for you turned out to be not so good at all... and then in the long run, realize that it brought you to where you wanted to be in the first place.

Patience is... beautifully intricate and disheartening at the same time. And oddly enough, for an impatient guy like I am, this journey is what I call uglily beautiful. I'm in an ugly mess right now... but I know it's going to turn out beautifully in the end.

I was praying for a simple YES or NO answer, and God threw me a WAIT. I never thought it'd be harder, but I'm loving it. And yes, I still need your prayers. :)

Naguguluhan ka? Ok lang yan, di mo naman kailangan malaman. :)