WHAT THE HELL???

THIS is a copy-pasted letter of my client for a wedding in February. She asked for the full coordination package from me. We've been exchanging e-mails for more than two weeks now. There came a point where I almost had to let go of her because she is a real pain. Plus... she asks me questions that the answer is already in the e-mail I have sent. At one point, I had to translate everything into Tagalog because to be totally frank, she has a poor understanding of the English language. YEah, I know, I'm not the best English writer, speaker or whatever, but I'm not THIS unfortunate)This is the last e-mail that I got from her. For those of you who usually get caterers for events, you'd understand that 10% mentioned in her e-mail. Every now and then, I'll be "interrupting" what she's written...

Hi! Good Day! (Promise???)

    Well as you have notice i am trying my best na makapg adjust pa po sana ako about 

our  budget.My request po is just my hold in place of official receipt.(say whu...???)My trust with you is 

there i wont get you if i dont have(come again???). But just like what you've told me about your job you 

need to be WISE as well as me(kaya nga Surf gamit namin sa bahay, eh... WA-IS!!!).Nais ko lang po maging ganun sana transaction bill.(eh pwede naman po pala tayong mag-usap ng Tagalog, eh, why English -English are we???) But 

here you are telling me that you can furnish me the receipt of (name of caterer) with addtn'l 10% 

again and your telling me na ako na ang makipag usap kay xxxxxx about the venue.(eh kasi nga po, if you want the receipt from the caterer or any other supplier, merong 10% yun that they ask for the vat, pero since makulit kayo, eh di kumuha tayo ng resibo, kayo naman magbabayad, eh. Ako ba sisihin n'yo sa patakaran nila?)

     OK(ay, galit na s'ya!!!)! since my request is not possible(Ma'am, I'm your friend and I want to help you talaga, the problem is your understanding of things...).Coz iniiwasan ko nga po talaga ang addtn'l sa budget.

Can i go or used the mode of payment scheme na cnend mo po sakin as my billing 

 transaction with you?(labo n'yo, galit kayo tapos 'yon din naman pala susundan natin, or baka naman iba ang ibig n'yong sabihin dito, TAGALOG NA LANG KASI!!!) Kasi po nag usap kami he will give the 50% of the budget on 

december 22 pa po. Kaya for the mean time ako muna ang gagastos sa reservation fee ng 

venue at catering.Kaya po agad akong nagtanong sa inyo.I dont have yet that full 50% on 

the day of our meeting.

      HOPE we can met half of our billing transaction.Ito na lang po ang adjustment na pinag 

uusapan po natin.The rest, on the day of our meeting pag usapan po natin how is the 

evrything will be look alike.(Yes, how is the everything will look alike. it will look alike, you know? Like twins!!! LOOK ALIKE!!!)

Pagbigyan n'yo na ako, I have four overlapping events, I need to laugh this one out.